Saturday, February 19, 2022

The 12 Greatest Giant Monster Movies (W/out Claymation or a Dude in a Suit)





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While the original G*dzilla and King Kong are considered classics by many, most monster movies produced prior to the 21st century fall short of the magic ingredient that makes us really believe the threat that these behemoths pose. CGI really is the way to go when it comes to putting giant monsters onscreen. Nostalgia aside, last century's monster films are a bit of a letdown. But of the films that do make us believers, here are the 12 best:





12. Attack On Titan Part 1













11. The Desolation of Smaug




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When we started this list, we were mostly thinking of collosal mutants knocking over skyscrapers but then it occurred to me that overgrown fire-breathing dragons are monsters too. The first half of the movie sucks but when Bilbo sneaks into Erebor the entertainment factor finally kicks in. Smaug, the firedrake from the north who was only teased in An Unexpected Journey, proves to be the greatest dragon (or wyvern, for you nerds) in cinematic history. His cat-and-mouse game with the would-be thief ratchets up the suspension another notch with each passing second until all of the built-up tension gives way to an all-out chase with hobbit and dwarves running for dear life and a furious dragon out for blood. When the diminutive "intruders" escape his grasp and flames one too many times Smaug takes flight in order to vent his anger on the unsuspecting residents of nearby Lake Town.









10. The Cloverfield Paradox




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This prequel to Cloverfield explains that a particle accelerator intended to provide limitless energy to the planet has been transported to the Cloverfield Space Station for testing, as it's unknown what the unintended ramifications of operating such a device could be. It's been theorized that the device has the ability to rip holes in the fabric of space, thereby allowing unimaginable abominations access to the Earth.

After the team of scientists aboard the station temporarily achieve stability after two years of unsuccessful attempts to operate the device, the particle accelator overloads, resulting in a power surge throughout the Cloverfield. The group, including communications officer Ava Hamilton, slowly begins to realize that they have inadvertently opened a doorway between our world and an alternate dimension. One of the consequences is that Ava's husband, Michael, witnesses a gigantic monster roaming through the city in which he lives.









9. G*dzilla (2014)






After what seemed like forever, 2014 saw the most terrible lizard finally get the serious treatment without a guy in a rubber suit.

Not only does the titular monstrosity wreak havoc, a MUTO (Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism) and his mate also waylay Hawaii and Las Vegas. And the three fight! When zilla breathes blue flames, you'll agree that the wait was worth it.

After a meltdown at a Japanese nuclear plant costs the lives of technicians trapped inside, including Sandra Brody, her husband, Joe, who was on-site, launches a years-long investigation into the tragedy's true cause.
15 years later, Joe's suspicions are proven right when it's revealed that a giant chrysalis is discovered at the plant.










8. Dead Man's Chest




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The Kraken, the most fearsome sea monster bar none, including Moby Dick, Jaws and the Meg, is the highlight of this Pirates of the Caribbean sequel. After everyone else a abandons ship, a captive Jack Sparrow is left on The Black Pearl to meet his fate -- and the Kraken.









7. Rampage




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Yeah, yeah, I know. Rampage's premise sounds like it was cooked up at the last minute by an intern at the Syfy Channel. But believe it or not, it's a movie adaptation from successful source material -- which you probably shouldn't think about in the interest of keeping an open mind.

Rampage might sound idiotic on paper but the execution is friggin' awesome. This thing has horror, space travel, monsters, emergency skydiving and military action.

Lemme break it down:

After an experiment for genetics corporation Energyne, conducted on the international space station, goes left, canisters containing the company's dangerous new pathogen fall to Earth.

The three animals exposed to the pathogen mutate into hyper-aggressive, ginormous monsters and wreak havoc in their respective habitats.

Desperate to recover samples from the creatures, Energyne CEO Claire Wyden lures them to Chicago using a radio signal.

Primatologist and former Special Forces soldier Davis Okoye, who's taken care of one of the animals, an albino gorilla, since infancy; former Energyne geneticist, Dr. Kate Caldwell, whose work led to the pathogen's development; and federal agent Harvey Russell make their way to downtown Chicago in the hopes of applying the antidote before the military ends the rampage by leveling the city.









6. Cloverfield




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Watch the events unfold by way of surviving footage from a hand-held video camera taken by 20-something party-goer Hud, who found himself in an all-night run for his life, along with a group of friends, during what turned out to be a colossal monster's rampage through Manhattan. You can't help but notice that the combined might of the Army National Guard's 42nd Infantry Division and a U.S. Air Force bomber is no match for the seemingly invincible creature. 

Oh yeah-- after the group retreats to the relatively safe confines of the subway system, they find out the hard way that the monster is crawling with parasites that aggressively pursue life-forms small enough for them to eat (like people).









5. King of the Monsters




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Thousands of years ago, ginormous creatures -- like dinosaurs on steroids --
roamed the Earth as part of the natural ecosystem (and were worshipped as deities by ancient civilizations). But at some point they went into hibernation. Now that humanity's f'd up the planet, a group of murderous eco-terrorists advised by paleontologist Dr. Emma Russell, encouraged by Gojira's discovery in 2014, have awakened two more of his kind -- Ghidorah, and the pteranodon-like Rodan -- so that they'll fulfill their ecological purpose: balancing nature. Namely, by healing the damage done to the globe by mankind -- hopefully, while coexisting peacefully with humans.

The thing is, scientists have discovered 17 Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organisms (initially called MUTOs but renamed titans as part of an ongoing effort to dumb all this stuff down), who acknowledge Gojira -- an apex predator -- as their alpha. But unlike the others, who are natural, albeit gargantuan, animals, three-headed hydra, Ghidorah, is revealed to be an alien and invasive species from another planet. And he challenges Gojira for dominance. When the U.S. military injures Zilla, his arch-nemesis fills the power vacuum and bends 17 or so of his fellow gigantic creatures to his will. While Gojira would lead his fellow MUTOs in healing the damaged Earth, Ghidorah's instinct is to terraform it to better suit his natural habitat -- which would entail extinction-level events for us.

Here's the thing: King of the Monsters is a dumb movie -- and an intellectual step down from its 2014 predecessor. It's sorta like The Day After Tomorrow with monsters. But some of the actual kaiju it features -- especially, Ghidorah, Rodan and Mothra -- have never looked better.









4. Clash of the Titans (2010)




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Clash of the Titans didn't get much critical love when it was released but that's probably because critics didn't recognize it for the class warfare drama that it isThe movie also contains the most memorable three little words when it comes to monsters: "Release the Kraken!"









3. The Suicide Squad





After a group of criminal recruits shoot their way into a fortified silo on a South American island, they discover that the country's government, at the behest of the U.S., has been harboring a gigantic alien resembling a starfish. Once the alien is accidentally released, it goes on a deadly rampage, intent on conquering the entire island. 









2. Battle of the Five Armies




Smaug, the dragon that incinerates Lake Town in the opening of The Battle of the Five Armies, is by far the smartest giant movie monster. In fact, this apex predator is really only done in by his own arrogance. His overconfident and extended attack on the town -- the same town in which an archer had knocked off one of his scales during a previous rampage, leaving him vulnerable to a potentially fatal counterrattack. Though they weren't entirely successful the first time, Lake Town residents obviously know how to fight dragons (with black arrows). If Smaug had simply passed through breathing fire once instead of strafing buildings over and over again -- giving Bard the Bowman time to prepare the lethal shot -- he would've survived the night. And the movie.










1. Pacific Rim


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Pacific Rim details the world's military response upon learning that a lone Kaiju (Japanese for "strange creature") that blazed a path of destruction through San Francisco was only the tip of the spear.

It's revealed that the Kaiju originated in an alternate dimension and make their way into ours via an interdimensional doorway, called "the Breach", located on the floor of the Pacific Ocean. Besides San Francisco, the initial attacks are directed at Sydney, Hong Kong and Manila.

Realizing that campaigns against the creatures using conventional weaponry are too costly, an alliance of world governments institutes a program in which enormous robots are constructed to battle the Kaiju. Each robot, called Jaegers, is nuclear-powered and operated by at least two pilots who control its movements from the inside.

Scientists studying the Kaiju discover that the monsters' rampages are prompted by aliens from the dimension connected to ours via the Breach. The aliens, intent on invading the planet have been using the Kaiju as an early strike force.





Originally Posted 4/15/19

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