It's tree-and-presents time again and you know your girl didn't get up at the a$$crack of dawn on Black Friday to buy that new big-screen just so you could watch football and play video games on it. New Christmas movies come out every year and they all get added to the December cable tv line-up. So there's no way in hell you can watch 'em all. Most aren't even worth your time. You can't go wrong with the ones on this list. You probably didn't know some of 'em were even holiday-related. Surprise.
Bonus: Christmas Flow
Most romantic comedies are based on the idea that opposites attract. And the popular belief may be that you can't find a more mismatched pair than a rapper and a feminist. But Jean-Marc and Lila discover that they're not as different as they assume in this Parisian holiday series that brings each of them face-to-face with the "enemy". Believe it or not, aside from some heavy-handed messaging, it works. The only thing keeping Christmas Flow off the list is its status as a television series and not an actual film.
30. Christmas Is Canceled
When Emma discovers to her horror that her widower father is now dating her high school nemesis, Brandy, she completely loses the holiday spirit. But given that Emma is unbelievably judgemental, narcissistic and passive-aggressive, Brandy may not be the only grinch in this story.
Of course Saint Nick's origin story is a fantasy adventure tale.
28. Journey to Bethlehem
27. Checkin' It Twice
Minor-league hockey player, Scott, and big-city real estate agent, Ashley, instantly dislike each other -- of course -- but due to a series of mishaps and coincidences, they can't seem to escape one another (of course again). It's a small world and Idaho Falls is even smaller, so they have ample time to bond, despite their differences.
26. A Christmas No. 1
Struggling grindcore musician Blake finds new inspiration when his niece, Nina, is diagnosed with cancer. The resulting song that he writes puts him at odds with his less musically-open-minded bandmates and also puts him on the radar of one of the world's biggest labels.
25. Secretly Santa
App-developers Paul and Miranda hit it off at a Christmas party. But since they were both in-costume (with their faces obscured) at the time, neither recognizes the other when they're paired-up on a project by a big software company. To complicate matters even more, they take an instant disliking to each other upon their second meeting. If that weren't enough, the project lead, Grant, is Miranda's ex.
24. Ghosts of Christmas Past
Ellie has a history of ghosting guys and standing-up dates. But her past starts to catch up with her during the week before Christmas. Fortunately for her, a fellow-video game developer working with her on a project agrees to help with the ghosting issue as well.
When Philadelphia sommelier, Camila, heads home for the holidays, she discovers that her godfather has hired a wine specialist, Declan, to oversee changes to the local vineyard. Declan's analytical approach and apathy towards Christmas clashes harshly with Camila's reliance on intuition and Yuletide fervor. Will the grapes, or for that matter, Declan and Camila, survive the season?
22. A Christmas Chance
YouTube star Christina scrambles to boost her following for a Christmas Eve special in order to land a high-paying sponsorship deal. When her sham of an image begins to fall apart, corporate exec Devon tries to keep the neurotic influencer from being exposed as a fraud. A Chance for Christmas winningly transfers Groundhog Day's premise to an even bigger holiday.
During a global catastrophe involving poisonous gases sweeping the globe, a sextet of old friends -- and their families -- gather for one last Christmas celebration before an impending extinction-level event.
20. The Holiday
This movie introduced me to the concept of house-swapping: Two people trading houses for a week instead of checking into hotels. In this case, a nerdy British chick gets to have a Christmas vacation in a Hollywood mansion and a showbiz player moves to the English countryside so she can temporarily avoid the rat race.
19. The Family Man
Nicolas Cage has made a lotta terrible movies but this isn't one of them. The Family Man puts a spin on It's A Wonderful Life by showing a rich guy what life would've been like if he'd taken the other route at the fork in the road.
18. It's A Wonderful Life
It's A Wonderful Life comes on every single year during the holidays -- and during prime-time. Don't let the black-and-white scare you. Check it out.
17. Lethal Weapon
Did you know that the suicide rate spikes at Christmas time? It's because isolated people are reminded of the close connections that they lack. Everywhere you look, there are posters, commercials and songs about togetherness and family. In this case, the lonely person is a cop whose mourning his dead wife.
He and his new partner are the perfect team. Riggs is suicidal, which means he's not afraid of anything. Murtagh is a wise, seasoned veteran who knows the streets like the back of his hand and keeps his self-destructive new protege's Special Forces skills pointed in the right direction.
Lethal Weapon kinda followed Beverly Hills Cop's blueprint except with the races switched. This time the younger, reckless, sillier cop is Mel Gibson (instead of Eddie Murphy) and the older, conservative one is Danny Glover (instead of that bald guy with the mustache).
Did you ever notice that the two cops at the center of the movie have the opposite initials? Roger Murtagh and Martin Riggs. Keep that in mind if you're ever on Jeopardy.
16. Bad Santa
Bad Santa's title seems self-explanatory but it doesn't do it justice. You've gotta see it to believe it. You'll think twice the next time you see St. Nick at the mall. R.I.P., Bernie Mac.
15. This Christmas
A movie named after the best Christmas song of all time better have the goods. And this one does. Claude; his sisters Lisa, Kelli and Melanie; and Cousin Fred all come back home with various wives, husbands, boyfriends and kids for a Whitfield family Christmas. The oldest, Quentin, is home for the first time in four years. And almost everybody has a secret. Even Baby Michael, who still lives at home, and Mama Whitfield herself. Watching how the secrets come out is hilarious.
Historically-black colleges and universities vs. ivy league schools, super-seniors, interracial relationships, Soul Train lines, overbearing mothers, stepfathers, favored sons, and of course, sibling rivalry all come into play. All that and good music too.
14. The Apartment
Office worker Bud doesn't even have his own cubicle, so he lets various middle-managers at the company use his apartment as a place to bring side-chicks. He hopes they'll repay the favor with promotions. But he keeps sleeping in the hallway of his building and he keeps his exact same job -- naturally.
The Apartment won five Oscars, including one for Best Picture. Give it a shot. You get to see the dad from My Three Sons being a pr#ck. Plus -- Who knew Shirley Maclaine used to look like this?
13. Dancing Through Christmas
Sparks fly and jingle bells ring when Olivia casts Michael's daughter in the lead in a local production of The Nutcracker.
12. Something from Tiffany's
During a Christmas vacation in New York City, single father and writer, Ethan, happens to meet chef, Rachel. Their chemistry is instantaneous; however, Ethan's on the verge of proposing to his unsupportive girlfriend and Rachel wants to be there for her self-absorbed boyfriend, who's has just been hospitalized after being hit by a taxi.
11. A Christmas Frequency
Kenzie, producer of the "Breakfast with Brooke" radio show, has to scramble to boost ratings if the program is to survive. Her (best friend's) brilliant idea? Arranging for the brokenhearted star to have blind dates live on air until she finds love. Unfortunately, Brooke and her estranged husband are still very much in love. Worse, Kenzie's fallen for her boss' match, Ben.
A Christmas Frequency is unique in that it features three separate couples in the same story without using the vignette format. Frequency's biggest flaw is the fact that, following the standard romcom formula wherein the woman rejects the guy that she loves before their inevitable reunion, Kenzie never apologizes to him. Meanwhile, Brooke makes up for her transgressions with her husband, Todd, and Kenzie!
With her show on the chopping block, podcast host Elise convinces advertising exec Daniyal to let her chronicle -- and coach -- his attempt to reveal his secret admiration for his lifelong friend, Tanya, before her new boyfriend's imminent arrival so that they can celebrate their first Christmas together. But while Elise leads the buddies (and Tonya's parents) on a festive tour of New York City, the holiday magic begins to work on both Tanya and herself.
9. The Man Who Invented Christmas
6. Eight Gifts of Hanukkah
9. The Man Who Invented Christmas
You know how they say, "The book is better than the movie"? Well, this movie is damn good and it's about a book -- a bonafide literary classic, in fact. And the film isn't an adaptation, it's an exploration of the story's creation. What story? Nothing much. Just a little tale by the name of A Christmas Carol.
The Man Who Invented Christmas examines writer Charles Dickens' -- already a celebrated author at the time -- battles writers' block and struggles to come up with another marketable book in order to stop the flow of his hemorrhaging finances. After his publisher loses faith in him, the famed storyteller finds inspiration in various sources and he and agent --- secure funding and commission artwork independently in order to get his soon-to-be latest creation in stores in time for a holiday which, according to the film, people had become apathetic about.
8. Boxing Day
After two years in the U.S., successful author Melvin finally returns to his native London for a promo tour. But Melvin's homecoming is made even more dramatic by the fact that he's brought his American fiance' along. And his ex, Gigi, who's been firmly embraced by his family, has become an international pop superstar during his absence. Boxing Day (the holiday, not the movie) actually takes place the day after Christmas but the powder-keg of familial tensions facing Melvin more than qualifies the story for this list.
7. A Christmas Story
There's a reason this movie is aired 24 hours straight on Christmas Day every single year. It's funny and a reminder of what it's like to be a kid during the holidays. This is the movie that taught millions of kids not to touch poles with their tongues in the middle of winter. It also inspired millions of dumb kids to give it a try.
Seattle optometrist Sara has three suitors and seven more days to figure out who her secret admirer is after a personalized mystery present shows up on her doorstep. As the title suggests, Eight Gifts of Hanukkah isn't strictly about Yuletide, but Christmas gets more than enough shotouts in the movie to make the cut.
4. Almost Christmas
If you're like me, you might've seen the poster or the trailer for Almost Christmas and figured it was another run-of-the-mill, cheesy, holiday movie full of sappiness and drama -- basically, a Christmas chick flick. But in this case you'd be wrong.
On the surface it seems like it fits right in with A Madea Christmas, The Best Man Holiday, The Perfect Holiday and even Soul Food.
But this is different. There are no dudes wearing dresses, no stupid hijinks and no stereotypes. There's no scheme to raise a bunch of money to save something in a handful of days (the family home, the family business, etc.) and no soap opera-style family secret. Just people interacting with each other -- but in funny ways.
Another thing -- there's also no matriarch holding all of the various cousins, uncles and aunts together. Shockingly enough, Almost Christmas' Meyers family is led and held together not by grandma, but grandpa -- a widower with brains and principles. When was the last time you saw that in a movie?
Almost is the funniest movie most of the actors onscreen have appeared in. It's one of two hilarious 2016 movies for J.B. Smoove (the other is Barbershop 3). And fellas, two of the cast-members, Gabrielle Union and Keri Hilson, have only gotten better-looking with time. Trust me. Or don't trust me -- see for yourself.
Like I said, Almost Christmas isn't a chick flick and it's not a family movie either. It's a funny movie that happens to be about a family. That's not to say that it doesn't jerk a few tears. My date cried five times (Damn, girl).
It may seem a little early to call it but I think we've got a holiday classic on our hands. Almost Christmas debuts this Friday -- almost Thanksgiving. You should see it. And if you still wanna see a dude dressed up like an old lady, there's always that Boo! b#llsh@t.
3. Friday After Next
2. Die Hard 2
Ok, to be real, this movie shouldn't even exist. There's no way in hell that the same dude and his wife could be caught in the middle of a terrorist situation at Christmas -- again. But you won't care about any of that while you're watching the movie. You'll just enjoy seeing John McClane doing his thing -- again.
The crazy thing is -- this movie is actually based on a book. I sh*t you not. It's called 58 Minutes, you non-believers. My favorite part is probably when McClane makes his way inside the cargo plane.
Although it takes place during the summer, the sequel, Die Hard with a Vengeance, is loaded with Christmas references. McClane himself even mentions Santa and reindeer.
Unlike most action movies, Die Hard is based on a novel -- Nothing Lasts Forever. "Terrorists", a sports-obsessed hacker, the LAPD, FBI agents, helicopters, corporate execs, military-grade explosives, a giant teddy bear, Stevie Wonder music, a street-smart limo driver, a Huey Lewis look-a-like, Carl Winslow and an off-duty New York cop all combine to make the best Christmas movie ever. It never gets old and you'll never get tired of seeing what happens when John McClane gets stuck on the roof of that skyscraper.
Anybody who believes Die Hard is just an action movie is missing out. Yeah, you get explosions and shootouts but you also get villains with brains and a hero who seems like a regular dude. He doesn't have superpowers, he's not on steroids and he's not completely fearless. The only reason he gets involved at all is the fact that his wife's life is on the line. And it all kicks off on Christmas Eve. Believe me, he knows more than anybody that his situation is damn near hopeless.
Premiering in the summer of 1988, Die Hard sure as shit brought Christmas to July -- July 12, to be exact. There are some grinches out there who question Die Hard's qualification as a Christmas movie. Well, consider this: Hero John McClane's only in town so that he can spend Christmas with his estranged wife -- whose first name is Holly; he writes "Ho, Ho, Ho" on the corpse of a terrorist -- a terrorist he killed himself; he secures a gun to his back using mistletoe-covered wrapping tape; he climbs through air ducts and elevator shafts (the closest thing Nakatomi Tower has to a chimney); Hans Gruber outdoes the Grinch by attempting to steal $640 million in bearer bonds on Christmas; limo-driver, Argyle, plays Run-DMC's "Christmas in Hollis" on the car radio; the song "Winter Wonderland" is played during the film; and Yuletide classic "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!" begins to play as soon as the end-credits start to roll. Christmas is so pervasive throughout the film that I wonder if those who dispute Die Hard's holiday connection have actually seen it.
Die Hard is as much a Christmas movie as It's a Wonderful Life. Like Die Hard, It's a Wonderful Life is NOT about Jesus, Santa Claus, Rudolph or even Frosty. Unlike Die Hard, only a small part of the story is set during Christmas Eve.
Originally Posted 12/3/16
Updated 12/10/22
Updated 3/15/24
Ummm hello, where is Home Alone? Christmas with the Kranks? The Nightmare Before Christmas? Elf? Scrooged? National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation? Most of all, my personal favorite, 'The Muppet Christmas Carol?' So many other good Christmas movies that I had to think about but believe should also at least get a mention!
ReplyDeleteI would also liked to add Trading Places and Scrooged but Die Hard is definitely my #1
ReplyDeleteEddie Murphy's hilarious but Trading Places lost me when Dan Akroyd did the whole blackface thing.
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