Updated 7/17/22
Dinosaurs aren't protected IP, yet only one a handful of movies has presented realistic depictions of them in hit projects. Despite ups and downs, the Jurassic Park series has sat atop the food chain as the apex predator of dino cinema for nearly three decades. The filmmakers released the seventh film this summer, making the franchise a heptalogy. So we figured this was a great time to rank the installments. Enjoy.
7. The Lost World
It was only natural for the filmmakers to be resistant to making a sequel that closely resembled the original film but introducing dinosaurs to the suburbs was the worst idea that this series has ever employed. Spielberg and company were on the right track in the early part of the story -- tracking the animals in the jungles of Isla Sorna. If only the writing and tone hadn't sucked so hard.
6. Dominion
If Dominion is truly the conclusion to this near three-decade saga, then the tale sure went out with a trash-scented whimper. There was certainly a way to unite the major players of the Park and World trilogies but this dishwater wasn't it. The filmmakers seemingly forgot that the humans are merely an excuse to give us dinosaur action and NOBODY wanted to see a giant locust plague.
5. Fallen Kingdom
Chris Pratt can list two 10-figure smash hits on his resume for 2018. But only one of them is any good (Infinity War). Fallen Kingdom is actually a good way to describe the Jurassic Park movie franchise these days. Despite being the third JP film to cross the billion-dollar mark in sales this flick sucks brontosaurus nuts. But then again, maybe it's just following the JP pattern: the second entry of the trilogy is the worst of the bunch (like The Lost World). However, the dinosaurs themselves have managed to evolve since the last movie. Miraculously, the big lizards seem to select their kills based on character now. Only the assholes are eaten in Fallen Kingdom.
Despite many of the characters' warnings, maybe they should be unleashed on the world after all. But this movie shouldn't have. When most of the entries in your extremely popular film series are at least partly named Jurassic Park you probably shouldn't destroy the park. The dinosaur habitat, Isla Nubar, is incinerated by a volcanic eruption in the beginning of Fallen Kingdom and nearly everything that follows blows.
When Jurassic Park hit theaters back in 1993, it went on to become the highest-grossing film of all time up to that point, eventually grossing $1 billion at the box office -- without adjusting for inflation. It's not that surprising. It gave us what we believe are realistic-looking dinosaurs and was universally loved. Then the sequel was released. Not satisfied with merely being a sh-- movie, The Lost World also set a pattern of the middle chapters of Jurassic trilogies being the worst of their respective sets. And while Fallen Kingdom did manage to gross 10 figures at the box office, it followed The Lost World right into the dumpster.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is a pretty accurate title, given that the movie is an enormous step down from its predecessor. Jurassic Park kept with the tradition of killing a Black character first and Kingdom features the cringe-worthy Hollywood cliche of the Black guy being a coward.
Say what you want about Jurassic World, it represented a mammoth comeback for the series and resurrected it much like Hammond's team of scientists reintroduced dinosaurs to the world. JWFK pissed all over that. And taking the blah blah-dons and yada yada-sauruses outta the park has never worked out very well in these stories. Which is a lesson that shoulda been learned from The Lost World. Talk about taking two steps forward and one giant step back.
4. Battle at Big Rock
It's a shame that none of the members of the unfortunate unnamed camping family at the center of this short never showed up in any of the feature films, because their story is easily far more compelling than half of the theatrical releases.3. Jurassic Park
Jurassic Park was revolutionary in that it brought (what we believe are) realistic looking dinosaurs to the screen for the first time. But it was woefully cliched in its adherence to the racist trope of killing off a Black character first. Director Steven Spielberg's third highest-grossing movie of all time in as many decades, JP ushered in a 29-year franchise as well as the CGI era of filmmaking with this story about an ill-fated attempted to reintroduce dinosaurs to the world. Predictably, they don't mix very well with modern life -- especially the intelligent, opposable-thumbed variety. In the real world, the film itself went beyond common dinosaur know-how and introduced the masses to extinct species such as Velociraptors, Brachiosaurus and Dilophosaurus and distinct eras like the Jurassic Age.
2. Jurassic Park III
In what represents the only time that it made sense for someone to return to Jurassic Park, Dr. Alan Grant is kidnapped and flown to Isla Sorna by a shady couple who coerce him into locating their missing son, who disappeared during a parasailing trip.
1. Jurassic World
When the park finally opened, it was well worth the wait. The velociraptors, pteranadons and the almighty tyrannosaurus rex joined forces to deliver the Jurassic series its second billion-dollar hit.
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