If you're not familiar with Star Wars and assume it's just another run-of-the-mill sci-fi/fantasy movie franchise, it's only because you don't know the power of the dark side. The long-running space opera is brimming with selfless role models and heroes who lead by example (and, let's face it, a couple of guys who only signed up to get paid), so the Star Wars universe is typically on the side of good. But when it's bad...it's great. The aforementioned champions of righteousness aren't the only denizens of a certain galaxy far, far away. Luke Skywalker, Lando Calrissian, Han Solo and Chewbacca would've led pretty boring lives without the relentless stream of assassins, despots, drug kingpins.
7. The Emperor
Emperor Palpatine was pretty sinister when he sat on his throne shrouded in a black robe. And the way that he played chess with an entire galaxy in order to get to that throne is chilling. It's really only his lightsaber battles and his melodramatic outbursts during the prequel trilogy that tarnish his image.
"Young fool. Only now, at the end, do you understand."
6. Jabba the Hutt
Jabba the Hutt fared better than most villains in Return of the Jedi. Though he was ultimately strangled to death, at least he wasn't made to look like an incompetent fool (Boba Fett) or an incompetent swordsman (Darth Vader). If you ignore his completely unnecessary Phantom Menace cameo and the ridiculous and even more unnecessary one in the special edition of Star Wars, Jabba's worthy of the space gangster Hall of Fame.
"There will be no bargain, young Jedi."
5. Director Krennic
Even more than Grand Moff Tarkin, Orson Krennic is the embodiment of toxic bureaucracy. Sure, Tarkin gave the order to fire the Death Star's main weapon on Alderaan but the deadly space station was Krennic's dream project to begin with. It was also his idea to obliterate Jedha as a mere demonstration of the station's capabilities; it was Tarkin who advised him to limit the destruction to the moon's capital city. Middle-managers are routinely described as cut-throats and killers but Director Krennic made the hyperbole literal.
"I will not fail."
4. Boba Fett
The galaxy's most fearsome non-superpowered human's legacy was destroyed in Return of the Jedi and the prequel trilogy only served to beat a dead horse. But Boba Fett was the man in The Empire Strikes Back. While most of his dopeness stems from his air of mystery, armor and assorted weapons, Fett's still sicker than the vast majority of characters who populate the Star Wars universe.
"He's no good to me dead."
3. General Grievous
General Grievous' legacy took a big hit in Revenge of the Sith. It would be great to see the live-action version of the fearless, Jedi-scalping, take-no-prisoners terminator that we saw in the Clone Wars animated series that aired on the Cartoon Network from 2003-2005 -- instead of the Cobra Commander-style coward that showed up in Episode III.
"Army or not...you must realize that you are doomed."
2. Darth Maul
Darth Maul is absolutely the best thing about the prequel trilogy. And the moment that the second blade emerges from his lightsaber is applause-worthy.
Maul's the second-most impressive red lightsaber wielder in the Star Wars onscreen galaxy. And unlike Darth Vader, he has the added benefit of never being depicted as anything but a badass. But unfortunately, he was only around for a single movie -- and an unnecessary cameo. Even more regrettable is the fact that that movie also featured Jar Jar Binx -- and in a much more prominent role. Placing Maul in a movie that's actually good would eliminate any need for The Phantom Menace to continue to exist.
"At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have revenge."
1. Darth Vader
Darth Vader embodies imperturbable, matter-of-fact malice -- witnessed in one too-brief scene in Star Wars (where he calmly, telekinetically strangles one of his cohorts at a meeting). No mere caricature with distinctive heavy breathing, he's a so-hardened-he's-irredeemable, barely-human warrior who's seen it all and lost the capacity to be moved or impressed. He's the template for The Terminator's T-800 and No Country for Old Men's Anton Chigurh. He's so villainous that he murders his own officers for failing, severs his only son's hand and casually plots to overthrow and murder his mentor. The Empire Strikes Back reveals the true nature of the Star Wars galaxy's power structure -- Vader allows the Emperor to sit on the imperial throne -- for now -- but he's really the one calling the shots (a la Dick Cheney or Tony Soprano when Uncle Junior was the New Jersey don). This is the king of bad guys at his finest.
"Give yourself to the dark side."
No comments:
Post a Comment