"Endgame" Movie Review

Endgame has got to be the most inconsistent movie in the entire MCU. The directors reportedly filmed multiple endings so that as few people as possible would be able to pinpoint the story's true resolution. It seemed like the filmmakers took a similar approach to the movie's tone. It's as though they shot a slacker comedy (a la Grandma's Boy), a superhero parody (Superhero Movie), a memorial drama (The Big Chill), a dark comic book film (Batman v. Superman), and an action extravaganza but couldn't decide which direction to take -- so ultimately chose to haphazardly stitch all five together. The result of this style of filmmaking is a highly profitable clusterfuck that simultaneously comes across as a boring action movie, a depressing comedy and a rushed, disappointing wrap-up to the Infinity Saga.


The inconsistencies aren't limited to the film's tone either; they also extend to the well-established personalities of some of the characters. 




SPOILER ALERT

Endgame starts off promising enough: we finally see Hawkeye again (thankfully out of his ridiculous uniform) after three years; Tony Stark and Nebula work together in a desperate but doomed attempt to get Peter Quill's battered ship to civilization before they run out of breathable air (they've already run out of food -- the consequences of embarking on a hopeless mission without a real plan); Captain Marvel miraculously locates the pair in time; after locating Thanos, the surviving Avengers -- minus a malnourished Iron Man but with assistance from Marvel and Nebula -- confront him again; Thor chops off the retired warlord's gauntlet and then his head. Unfortunately, Thanos revealed before his death that he destroyed the Infinity Stones -- which leads the heroes to conclude that they must accept the new state of the universe. 

Things are still moving along nicely when we catch up to some of the survivors five years later: Steve Rogers has taken a page out of the deceased Sam Wilson's book and now leads "survivors' guilt" group therapy sessions; and Ant-Man, who's been trapped in the Quantum Realm since before The Snap, is finally released when a rat (a shoutout to Disney?) manages to step on the "Enter" button on the keyboard in Luis' van; Cap, Widow and Scott present the latter's Back to the Future plan to Tony, who's now living the quiet life with Pepper and their daughter, Morgan.

Here's where the stupid kicks off: the Avengers seek help from Bruce Banner, who's now essentially Beast from the X-Men; they also catch up with Thor, who's turned into the Big Lebowski; then a bunch of slapsticky time hijinks ensue, including Captain America back in his most ridiculous uniform and all of a sudden vain for the first time ever. During a crucial mission, he inexplicably takes the time to admire himself and exclaims that he has, "America's ass!" Wtf. By the way, the fact that this takes place immediately after he fights himself in an idiotic Superman III moment that should never be repeated in any other comic book movie -- ever! -- doesn't help either.

Also, Thor finally becomes the clown that his father always feared he would be. And for some reason, he hands the Asgardian leadership reins over to Valkyrie -- who was just as much of a drunk as he is a mere six years prior (in Ragnarok). Worse, she was a despotic slave-master's mercenary toady and failed to lift a finger when Thanos and his people murdered half of her fellow refugees (in Infinity War). Even Drax would make a better king. How did she even survive the destruction of the Asgardian ship? And where the hell did she get the flying horse??

Eventually, things get back on track: Hawkeye and Black Widow head to Vormir in order to get their hands on the Soul Stone, which costs Natasha her life; when Nebula visits 2014, Thanos discovers the 2023 Avengers' plan via her neural network and decides to let them do his dirty work and then simply take the Stones from them; and we get a battle royale between the Avengers and their allies and Thanos' vast army.

Even though we've all known for a year that Black Panther and Spider-Man would be resurrected (a moment that elicited applause in the theater), it was great to actually see the two of them -- not to mention Falcon and Bucky -- step onto the battlefield.

There are some great moments: especially Black Widow's (nobody seems to remember that there are two arachnid-themed Avengers) ultimate sacrifice. But the best moments -- Cap's use of Mjolnir, Thanos' stoic acceptance of defeat and Iron Man's costly victory -- are all part of a sequence that takes two hours to get to!

While Endgame represents a step back in MCU quality in some respects (especially after the two giant leaps forward of Black Panther and Infinity War), the filmmakers seemed to have learned lessons from others' mistakes: Tony Stark gets the death that his DC counterpart and fellow billionaire/genius/playboy/non-superpowered hero (Bruce Wayne) should've had in The Dark Knight Rises; and Thanos is allowed the dignified end that his fellow galactic tyrant (Darth Vader) was denied in Return of the Jedi. 

There's potentially a great, albeit much shorter, film embedded within Endgame. I have zero interest in seeing the director's cut (since they're usually longer than a movie's theatrical version) of this 22nd MCU film; I'd rather see the No-Nonsense cut, which would hopefully be missing the pointless bullshit in the middle of the story. The movie would benefit most from the removal of some of the time-travel capers -- the lamest sequences BY FAR. It was enough to know that Tony Stark invented time-hopping and that the surviving Avengers employed the technique in order to retrieve the Infinity Stones from the past. We didn't need to see all of them retrieve the gems any more than we needed to see Steve return them -- or any more than we needed to see Dr. Banner integrate his two beefing personalities. These cheesy and unnecessary exercises in fan-service deserve a spot in comic book cinema hell alongside Green Lantern, Batman & Robin and the 1960s Batman television series. Three snaps, three deaths, a passing-of-the-torch (shield), a confirmation of a long-held suspicion and a massive battle were stretched into a comedic (but unfunny) three-hour stroll down memory lane. Endgame needed to provide a resolution to Infinity War's unfinished business; not revisit the previous 21 films in ways large and small.

The movie's undisputed greatest line is delivered by the very mortal Tony Stark: 

"I am Iron Man."