by Daniel White
Even the considerable luminosity of Carole Lombard can't save this turkey. No More Orchids (1932) is a turgid comedy-drama that starts off with some spark and quickly turns listless. Carefree rich girl, Anne Holt (Lombard), is one of those madcap heiresses Depression-era movies manufactured in abundance. On a luxury liner crossing the Atlantic, she meets and falls in love with nice guy Anthony Gage (Lyle Talbot). Unimpressed with her wealth and hedonistic lifestyle, Tony resists Anne's amorous overtures. Of course, the obvious ensues - they fall in love. To make this tired story work, you need a witty, crackling screenplay, which No More Orchids lacks. Going from uninspired comedy to unbelievable soap opera, the film is consistently hitting all the wrong notes on an out-of-tune piano.
Even with powerhouse supporting players like Walter Connolly, Louise Closser Hale and C. Aubrey Smith, it's nothing more than a gussied-up trifle. Pretty to behold, but devoid of any substance. Speaking of pretty, Lombard's leading man, Talbot even resembles Gable a bit. He's also mighty ponderous, mighty uncharismatic and might he please take a powder? No wonder he never graduated to the Hollywood big leagues. Handsome as a statue of Adonis - and just as animated. Where is Joel McCrea when you need him?
Lombard looks fantastic. Carrying a few extra pounds, she's sexier than ever. Cinematographer Joseph H. August has lit our parfait princess to perfection. And whoever is the uncredited person who dressed her, he's clothed the movie star in such a way that she's as glam and enticing as always.
Alas, to no avail. I love Carole Lombard but to make this snoozefest sing, she'd need to be a miracle-worker. Annie Sullivan, she ain't. Distributed by Columbia Pictures and directed by Walter Lang, No More Orchids is currently available on YouTube.
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