Now that Paramount has announced that they'll be moving forward with a follow-up to Bumblebee (a sequel that may or may not get the series back on track after a string of terrible movies), it seemed like a good time to take a look at the entire history of the chameleon-like robots on the big-screen. Every single movie is here and ranked from worst to best. Check it out and as always -- leave your opinion in the comments section.
7. The Last Knight
The only thing surprising about the fact that The Last Knight is the first Transformers movie in six years to not make over a billion dollars at the box office is the idea that the two preceding flicks in the series actually did manage to crack 10 figures.
This thing is beyond ridiculous. The writers actually tied Transformers into the legend of King Arthur. There's even a Transformer dragon. Smh. From the C-3PO ripoff robot butler to Optimus Prime going evil, bad ideas abound. And this hot mess had the nerve to be over 2 and a half hours long.
The Last Knight is a huge robot turd that should never be mentioned again - except as a cautionary tale. Star Mark Wahlberg has wisely decided not to return to the series.
6. Bumblebee
In Bumblebee, star Hailee Steinfeld seems to be portraying the same character that she brought to life in The Edge of Seventeen. That character, Nadine Franklin, is a rude, friendless, teenage misanthrope who resents her mother and hasn't learned to cope with her father's death. Steinfeld's character in Bumblebee, Charlie Watson, is a rude, friendless, teenage misanthrope who resents her mother and hasn't learned to cope with her father's death. Like Nadine, Charlie also fights with her brother and has a lone minority companion, who has a crush on her, which she returns with bullying.
After he flees the Transformers' homeworld Cybertron (which has been conquered by the Decepticons under Soundwave's leadership) in order to establish an Autobot outpost on Earth, Autobot B-127 is attacked by both the human troops working for Sector 7 and Decepticon Blitzwing, who destroys his vocal processor and severely damages his memory core. Somehow, the Autobot scout manages to destroy his Decepticon attacker before scanning a 1967 Volkswagen Beetle and shutting down. The mortal combat between Blitzwing and B-127 is the best part of the movie by a longshot -- which is unfortunate given that it takes place within the first 15 minutes.
After being gifted to her on her birthday by Hank, the owner of the junkyard where B-127 ends up, Charlie becomes Bumblebee's first human friend.
However, Charlie unwittingly activates B-127's homing beacon, which is traced by Decepticon triple-changers Shatter and Dropkick, who follow the signal to Earth after killing B's Autobot comrade Cliffjumper. Meanwhile, B-127 regains some of his memories and reveals his robot mode to Charlie. Charlie renames him Bumblebee, which isn't much of a stretch given that he's round and has black-and-yellow coloring. Nevertheless, the filmmakers felt the need to ram the point home by showing us a beehive in his wheel-well (which they forgot to show anyone removing). Anyway, the newly-christened Bumblebee accepts the name but hilariously rejects Charlie's music choices by forcefully ejecting the cassettes that she inserts into his tape deck -- so forcefully that they hit the back wall of the garage.
While Bumblebee bonds with Charlie, Scatter and Dropkick ally themselves with Sector 7 (with each group planning to betray the other) in order to find the Autobot. Bumblebee is eventually captured by S7 and tortured by the Decepticon duo, who leave him for dead. However, Charlie uses electro-shock to revive him, with the help of her neighbor Guillermo "Memo" Guitierrez, whom she bullies as much as she does Bee (though she never stands up to the female classmates who bully her). Charlie and Bumblebee subsequently stop the Decepticons from sending a homing signal to their comrades on Cybertron before Bumblebee kills them both. After a member of Sector 7 helps them to escape, Charlie tells Bumblebee that he has to leave, which he reluctantly does after transforming into a 1977 Chevy Camaro and driving off to reunite with Autobot resistance leader Optimus Prime.
In keeping with the series' chronology, Decepticon leader Megatron, who's conspicuously absent from the action, is in stasis and secretly in U.S. custody under the Hoover Dam (he'd crash-landed in the Arctic Circle and froze before being discovered by explorer Archibald Witwicky in 1895) during the events of the film. It's worth noting that after Megatron is awakened by his fellow Decepticons and resumes his leadership role, their successes decrease dramatically. The Decepticons permanently seize control of an entire planet under Soundwave's direction and only temporarily hold a small town (in 2007's Transformers) under Megatron's.
Bumblebee is better than Michael Bay's last Transformers movie, The Last Knight, but after such an action-packed opening, the majority of the film is anti-climactic.
Given that this is a prequel set in 1987, we know that B will eventually befriend Sam Witwicky. And the two relationships couldn't be more different. While Sam views the well-meaning shape-shifter as a friend, Charlie treats him more like a dog -- an abused one. When he makes mistakes, not being familiar with human customs, she yells at him until he cowers in fear. And like a typically loyal canine, he wants nothing more than to please and protect her at all costs.
I eagerly await the day when movies with female leads no longer exude a nearly palpable hatred for their male characters. The movie goes out of its way to only kill men. In one scene, two particularly sadistic Decepticons confront a couple. After killing the dude, they let his wife live -- even though she was standing right next to him and the Deceptions seem to relish killing. Not to mention the fact that they place a premium on disguising themselves from mankind (aside from Sector 7). And like most sitcoms, the male characters are disproportionately moronic. Contrary to Angela Bassett's assertion during an appearance on The Talk to promote the film, her character is not "the first female Transformer..." In fact, Autobot Arcee, who appears in the movie, was featured in the very first Transformers film, The Transformers: The Movie -- released in 1986.
Misandry aside, Bumblebee is brimming with 80s nostalgia. It's basically a John Hughes movie with talking robots. It was great seeing some of the Transformers, both Decepticon and Autobot, in their Generation-1 forms. And Soundwave even uses his original voice! The original transformation sound is used throughout the movie too. The filmmakers intentionally placed less emphasis on the action this time around. But what makes the movie worth watching are the Cybertronian battle and the one-on-one combat between Bumblebee and Blitzwing in the beginning of the film. Shotout to Starscream, Shockwave, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Ramjet, Dirge, Thrust, Ravage, Brawn, Sunstorm, Prowl, Wheeljack, Cliffjumper, Soundwave and Blitzwing.
After he flees the Transformers' homeworld Cybertron (which has been conquered by the Decepticons under Soundwave's leadership) in order to establish an Autobot outpost on Earth, Autobot B-127 is attacked by both the human troops working for Sector 7 and Decepticon Blitzwing, who destroys his vocal processor and severely damages his memory core. Somehow, the Autobot scout manages to destroy his Decepticon attacker before scanning a 1967 Volkswagen Beetle and shutting down. The mortal combat between Blitzwing and B-127 is the best part of the movie by a longshot -- which is unfortunate given that it takes place within the first 15 minutes.
After being gifted to her on her birthday by Hank, the owner of the junkyard where B-127 ends up, Charlie becomes Bumblebee's first human friend.
However, Charlie unwittingly activates B-127's homing beacon, which is traced by Decepticon triple-changers Shatter and Dropkick, who follow the signal to Earth after killing B's Autobot comrade Cliffjumper. Meanwhile, B-127 regains some of his memories and reveals his robot mode to Charlie. Charlie renames him Bumblebee, which isn't much of a stretch given that he's round and has black-and-yellow coloring. Nevertheless, the filmmakers felt the need to ram the point home by showing us a beehive in his wheel-well (which they forgot to show anyone removing). Anyway, the newly-christened Bumblebee accepts the name but hilariously rejects Charlie's music choices by forcefully ejecting the cassettes that she inserts into his tape deck -- so forcefully that they hit the back wall of the garage.
While Bumblebee bonds with Charlie, Scatter and Dropkick ally themselves with Sector 7 (with each group planning to betray the other) in order to find the Autobot. Bumblebee is eventually captured by S7 and tortured by the Decepticon duo, who leave him for dead. However, Charlie uses electro-shock to revive him, with the help of her neighbor Guillermo "Memo" Guitierrez, whom she bullies as much as she does Bee (though she never stands up to the female classmates who bully her). Charlie and Bumblebee subsequently stop the Decepticons from sending a homing signal to their comrades on Cybertron before Bumblebee kills them both. After a member of Sector 7 helps them to escape, Charlie tells Bumblebee that he has to leave, which he reluctantly does after transforming into a 1977 Chevy Camaro and driving off to reunite with Autobot resistance leader Optimus Prime.
In keeping with the series' chronology, Decepticon leader Megatron, who's conspicuously absent from the action, is in stasis and secretly in U.S. custody under the Hoover Dam (he'd crash-landed in the Arctic Circle and froze before being discovered by explorer Archibald Witwicky in 1895) during the events of the film. It's worth noting that after Megatron is awakened by his fellow Decepticons and resumes his leadership role, their successes decrease dramatically. The Decepticons permanently seize control of an entire planet under Soundwave's direction and only temporarily hold a small town (in 2007's Transformers) under Megatron's.
Bumblebee is better than Michael Bay's last Transformers movie, The Last Knight, but after such an action-packed opening, the majority of the film is anti-climactic.
Given that this is a prequel set in 1987, we know that B will eventually befriend Sam Witwicky. And the two relationships couldn't be more different. While Sam views the well-meaning shape-shifter as a friend, Charlie treats him more like a dog -- an abused one. When he makes mistakes, not being familiar with human customs, she yells at him until he cowers in fear. And like a typically loyal canine, he wants nothing more than to please and protect her at all costs.
I eagerly await the day when movies with female leads no longer exude a nearly palpable hatred for their male characters. The movie goes out of its way to only kill men. In one scene, two particularly sadistic Decepticons confront a couple. After killing the dude, they let his wife live -- even though she was standing right next to him and the Deceptions seem to relish killing. Not to mention the fact that they place a premium on disguising themselves from mankind (aside from Sector 7). And like most sitcoms, the male characters are disproportionately moronic. Contrary to Angela Bassett's assertion during an appearance on The Talk to promote the film, her character is not "the first female Transformer..." In fact, Autobot Arcee, who appears in the movie, was featured in the very first Transformers film, The Transformers: The Movie -- released in 1986.
Misandry aside, Bumblebee is brimming with 80s nostalgia. It's basically a John Hughes movie with talking robots. It was great seeing some of the Transformers, both Decepticon and Autobot, in their Generation-1 forms. And Soundwave even uses his original voice! The original transformation sound is used throughout the movie too. The filmmakers intentionally placed less emphasis on the action this time around. But what makes the movie worth watching are the Cybertronian battle and the one-on-one combat between Bumblebee and Blitzwing in the beginning of the film. Shotout to Starscream, Shockwave, Thundercracker, Skywarp, Ramjet, Dirge, Thrust, Ravage, Brawn, Sunstorm, Prowl, Wheeljack, Cliffjumper, Soundwave and Blitzwing.
5. The Age of Extinction
The Age of Extinction marks the entrance of Mark Wahlberg to the Transformers Saga (and the exit of Shia LaBeouf, who was catapulted to the Hollywood A-list by the series). And I hope it paid well because it was otherwise a complete waste of his time. He did his job but the movie still sucks. Amazingly enough, Extinction is the highest-grossing movie of 2014 and the only one to pull in $1 billion.
The one good thing about the movie is the addition of the Dinobots (finally). They've actually never looked better...and Grimlock's still the king.
4. Revenge of the Fallen
Revenge of the Fallen is a hell of a poetic name for a movie about a robot war. It's actually the best title of the series.
Unfortunately, the movie itself, the first sequel of the franchise, is dumb as shit. By that I mean the story is ridiculous. And it's riddled with less-than juvenile humor, including underwear and scrotum jokes. And if you're thinking, "Duh, it's a kids' movie" - think again. It's full of killings and cursing. Even the small touches are stupid. For instance, an older Decepticon, Jetfire, walks with a cane. Why tf doesn't he repair his leg?? He's a machine not a man. He could even use parts of the metallic cane to replace the worn-out components of his leg for fuck's sake. Late in the movie he even donates his parts to give Optimus an upgrade! Smh. Many of the characters from the preceding movie, Transformers, are missing with no explanation as to why. Also, popular character Soundwave's voice has undergone a drastic change - and not for the better. He now sounds like Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget. But, hey, Ravage gets in on the action and he's new and improved.
Neither star Shia LaBeouf nor director Michael Bay were happy with the movie. Bay went so far as to call it "crap" and promised to ditch the "dorky comedy" in any future sequels.
Fallen's biggest screw-up is the addition of two Transformers, Mudflap and Skids, who are little more than racist caricatures. Two of the writers, Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman, distanced themselves from the characters. Director Michael Bay clearly didn't learn from George Lucas' Phantom Menace mistake.
On the plus side, the visuals are incredible. Which makes it a great movie to watch - on mute. On second thought, don't even bother.
3. Dark of the Moon
The Dark of the Moon's opening sequence is undeniably dope. The scene even continues the series' pattern of illustrating that the shape-shifting automatons have been entering our orbit for decades. The problem is that it's the best part of the movie. It's all downhill from there - with the exception of a later scene in which many of the human heroes are trapped inside of a falling skyscraper.
Mikaela, the former love interest of the series' central human character, Sam, is conspicuously absent. And Sam's new girlfriend, Carly, makes you miss her that much more. Fortunately, Chief Master Sgt. Epps (now retired) and Colonel Lennox (promoted from Major) are back. Unfortunately, their return isn't enough to raise the quality of the movie to the standard set by the original, Transformers. Leonard Nimoy, who voices disillusioned Autobot Sentinel Prime, memorably provided the vocals for Galvatron in Transformers: The Movie. In a nod to the sci-fi legend, an early scene features a clip of him in his most famous role - Mr. Spock, on the original Star Trek television series. And later, Nimoy repeats a line he made famous as Spock in the film The Wrath of Khan.
The inclusion of some of the most popular Transformers is ruined by the fact that they're altered to the point of being unrecognizable. And Decepticon fans'll be sorely disappointed to see some of their favorites get the axe - permanently. I know I could've done without seeing Megatron get beheaded. And how Optimus accomplished doing just that with only one arm defies sense. Also, for some reason the screenwriter Ehren Kruger thought it was a good idea to destroy the Transformers' home-planet, Cybertron. Now what?
But the stupidest part of the movie has gotta be the Decepticon disguised as a co-ed. If these mfs can seem so human that they can fool real people then why tf do they even bother with the cars and dumptrucks?
2. The Transformers
Back in the day, Transformers movies weren't just big-budget pieces of sh#t. The first, and best, was 1986's animated Transformers: The Movie. 21 years later, the first, and best, live-action Transformers movie hit theaters and shocked the hell outta me with how good it was. It never occurred to me that Michael Bay, of all people, could be up to the challenge of respecting the source material and making giant robots disguised as cars look legit next to real people. Megatron, Optimus Prime, Starscream, Bumblebee -- they were all there. And they were all impressive.
While 1986's Transformers: The Movie is set in a future 2005 (Hey, it was the future back then) in which the existence of shape-shifting alien robots is no longer a secret, this live-action reboot begins with the general public totally unaware that a handful of Deceptions has been living among us for decades. Because of this 2007's Transformers can be viewed as a prequel to Transformers: The Movie.
Some minor changes are evident right off the bat. Human hero Spike Witwicky's first name has been changed to Sam and his best friend, Bumblebee, now transforms into a Camaro as opposed to a VW Beetle. But he is still yellow. Megatron no longer moonlights as a handgun - his alternate mode is now a Cybertronian fighter jet; and while Starscream's no longer a red-and-blue colored F-15 Eagle, he's been upgraded to a grey F-22 Raptor.
Since he bailed on the Transformers, star Shia LaBeouf has made a concerted effort to prove himself as a dramatic actor. But the fact is he displays Grade-A comedic chops during this flick.
At one point, a character yells to someone on the other end of the phone, "This is easily 100 times cooler than Armageddon. I swear..." Anyone who's seen Armageddon, also directed by Michael Bay, knows that he was absolutely right.
Since 2007, Bay has taken the franchise from sugar to sh@t. But this first in the series achieved greatness. They really don't make 'em like they used to.
But it's not all good. The one Transformer clearly voiced by an African-American actor (Jazz, portrayed by Darius McCrary) is the one and only Autobot to die.
1. Transformers: The Movie
Welp, there you have it -- the nuts and bolts of the entire big-screen saga. But do yourself a favor and only watch 1986's The Transformers: The Movie and 2007's Transformers. The other movies'll taint your image of Transformers and probably put you at risk of sustaining at least minor brain damage.
Contrary to popular misconception, neither Shia LaBeouf nor Michael Bay has any connection whatsoever to the first Transformers film. Nor is it a combination of live-action and CGI. The first and best big-screen depiction of the Autobot/Decepticon conflict is rendered in old-fashioned, two-dimensional anime and premiered way back in 1986. Despite the format, it's the darkest and most mature of the Transformers films to date. Transformers also bears the distinction of being the final film for both Scatman Crothers and Orson Welles. Crothers and Welles gave vocal performances alongside other well-known figures such as Leonard Nimoy, Robert Stack, Judd Nelson, Eric Idle and radio legend Casey Kasem.
The Transformers' initial on-screen incarnation was a daily television series which aired from 1984-1987. The animation style employed in the film, like everything else, is a vast improvement over the one used for the series. The theme song even gets a hard rock update from LA band Lion. Even for those who don't like hair bands (a group that includes me), it sounds great and is further evidence that the filmmakers took the project seriously. The film's signature song, "The Touch", by Stan Bush, was initially produced for the 1986 hit Cobra, starring Sylvester Stallone. "The Touch" is also the song main character Dirk Diggler records for his demo tape in the 1997 movie, Boogie Nights.
The Transformers, which is based directly on the animated television series, picks up 20 years after the events of the show -- in the distant future of 2005 (How about that?). In a departure from the series, which was set largely on Earth, the film takes place mainly in space and on other planets. There is a vast leap in maturity on display here -- in more ways than one. For one thing, while the film is not without moments of comedic relief (much of it dark comedy), the tone is astoundingly serious for an animated feature. You'll even hear some curse words during a couple of particularly stressful situations. You'll also notice that Spike Witwicky (the same last name used for Shia LaBeouf's character in the live-action movies), one of the few human regulars on the televison series and teenaged during the seasons preceding the film, is now a grown man with a son. Spike's father, Sparkplug (another series regular), is never seen or mentioned. Lastly, the film whole-heartedly embraces the premise of the Transformers concept: the Autobots and Decepticons are engaged in a war. A war that claims lives -- on both sides.
Originally Posted 11/28/18
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